开口拒绝他人的8个方法8 Ways to Say No
对于一名自由撰稿人而言，学会拒绝是一项重要的本领。（我觉得对所有人都是如此）
如果你没有这项本领，那么你会被繁重的要求和任务压的喘不过气来，然后你就会老是太劳累却又总是不能按时交稿，你的文章质量也会下降，这样一来你就很难接到你所感兴趣的活了，更重要的是你的报酬也会大不如前了。
当你学会拒绝之后，虽然你可能会感觉有点伤害或者冒犯别人（这也确实有可能），但是与此同时你也传达给他们这样一个清晰的信息：你珍惜自己的时间，你有选择的权利，而且你也尊重那些你拒绝的人，你之所以拒绝正是因为你不想草率的做个承诺，你不会在履行的时候马马虎虎或者懒得去做。
对所有不期而遇的任务你都得匆匆拒绝吗？答案显然是否定的。众所周知，作为一名自由撰稿人，面对成堆的账单我们必须揽到一定量的活，有时对一些差强人意的任务我们只能点头，但是明确自己的能力范围、自己的兴趣所在以及摆在你面前的要求是否合乎你的选择也是十分重要的。最重要的是，当你觉得实在没有必要或者毫无兴趣接某个任务的时候，你可以选择拒绝而不是埋头干。
要获得这项本领不是一件轻松的事情，对于那些不敢说“不”的人们，我在这里可以给你们支上几招，值得一试。
试着先同意。这似乎听上去有点自相矛盾，但是我把这看作一场心智的柔道。你可以同意要求（假设你的情况是你想接下这个活但是手头没有足够的时间），然后做下面两件事之一：1）你可以说：“没问题，但是我现在的任务多的像山一样。你能不能过一个月左右再来找我？除非我真能干的非常出色我是不会这么打包票的。” 或者2）你可以说：“当然可以，但是你能不能先去做x,y,z，这样我们才能看出这件事到底是否可行。” 无论你选择上面两个中的哪一个，你都没有断然的拒绝他们，而是把主动权交回到他们的手中。我觉得你在真心想要这件活但是实在抽不开身的情况下才这样说，这样说帮你解决了主动权给你带来的压力，让你用不着真正说出那个“不”字。
了解你曾做出的承诺。为了知道什么时候用得着说“不”，你得了解你现在已经揽了哪些活了。你得给你现在所有的项目和任务建一张流动的列表，同时也为你在一个星期左右时间内的不属于那些项目的活动列一张活动任务表。有了这两张列得满满的表你就可以决定眼前这个任务能不能挤进去，小心保管这张表，只有在事出必要的情况下才在上面添加项目。
珍惜你的时间。许多人难于拒绝的一个原因是他们（或许是在潜意识中）感觉自己的时间没有别人的珍贵。例如，如果别人让你去做一件他们自己能够轻而易举完成的事，你同意的话，就相当于承认他的时间比你的更宝贵——不然的话为什么你要替他们代劳呢？因此你要珍惜你自己的时间，你的时间是有限的，而且可能是你最为宝贵的财富，学会通过拒绝那些用不着你来操刀的事来告诉别人，你有多珍惜自己的时间。
拖延。与上面的策略1有点类似，如果你选用这招的话你用不着下决定，用不着点头或者摇头，而只是让来请求你的人迟些再来。例如，你可以说：“我的任务现在排的满满的，你能不能两个礼拜以后再来找我？”如果这个人不错的话，他会把两星期后再来找你这件事加进自己的备忘录里。要是这人不地道，他们肯定早把你忘了。有的时候如果你连着拖延了两回，那个人就会放弃了，当然老是拖延一件事也不好，这会让别人觉得你人品有问题。一般在两次拖延之后，在别人第三次求你的时候，你就应该给出个明确的答复了。
礼貌，但要坚决。很多人容易犯的一个毛病就是太好了，或者太优柔寡断了。他们可能虽然拒绝了别人但是他们的拒绝听上去有些动摇，如果你这样回应别人的话，会有更强的人来向你施压，直到你点头答应为止，这是因为他们觉得事情还有商量的余地。因此如果你要拒绝的话，你就得让别人清楚的知道你不会再改变主意了。但是别表现的粗鲁，一句简单的“不，我现在实在无能为力”就够了。
抢先一步。如果你觉得将有人会有求于你，你可以在别人向你请求之前告诉他们你很忙。如果你与那人碰面，你可以说“话说在前头，我得让你知道我的日程表里这一个月里都排的满满的，所以我们别谈关于30天内的什么新计划。”这相当于对那个将有求于你的人做了一次警告，因此事后他们也无法怪罪你拒绝他们的请求。
“我很乐意，但是……”类似于第一个方法，这招表现出你对这项计划很感兴趣，但是你因为日程安排或者有其他的任务而实在无能为力。如果这个计划听上去真的很有趣的话，我会经常说些如“这听上去确实很棒，我多希望自己能加入进来啊。”如果可能的话，我也会推荐一些其他的适当人选或者可行想法。一些人实际上觉得这种被拒绝的方式还不错，至少你也帮他解决了难题。
永远别说抱歉。还是得珍惜自己的时间，如果你道歉的话，就好像是在为做错一件事而道歉，这样一来你拒绝的理由也就显得不甚充分了。我知道，在这种场合下，说“对不起”这三个字是很有诱惑力的，我们常常说“对不起，但是……”或者“我多希望能帮你，但是很对不起，我没办法帮你。”这类的话，这是因为我们拒绝别人的事后会觉得很不舒服。但是，还是那个问题，这样一来，你会向别人传达错误的信息。回头看看第5条能给你一些帮助。
For a freelance writer, learning to say no is an essential skill. (I think this is true for everyone.)
If you don’t have this skill, you will be crushed breathless under heavy demands and tasks; then you will be forever overworked yet never able to deliver on time, the quality of your writing will slip, it will become hard to land the work you are actually interested in, and, more importantly, your pay will be nothing like it used to be.
Once you have learned to say no, you may feel you are hurting or offending people a little (and that really is possible), but at the same time you are sending them a clear message: you value your own time, you have the right to choose, and you also respect the very people you turn down; you refuse precisely because you don’t want to make a careless promise and then be sloppy about keeping it, or too lazy to keep it at all.
Should you hastily refuse every task that lands on you unannounced? Obviously not. As everyone knows, a freelance writer facing a pile of bills has to take on a certain amount of work, and sometimes we can only nod at assignments that are merely passable; but it is also very important to know the limits of your ability, where your interests lie, and whether the request in front of you fits what you would choose. Most important of all, when you feel there is truly no need, or no interest whatsoever, in taking on a task, you can choose to refuse rather than put your head down and grind through it.
Acquiring this skill is no easy thing. For those who don’t dare say “no,” here are a few moves I can offer; they are worth a try.
Try agreeing first. This may sound a bit self-contradictory, but I see it as a round of mental judo. You can agree to the request (assuming your situation is that you want the job but don’t have enough time on your hands), and then do one of the following two things: 1) You can say, “No problem, but right now my tasks are piled up like a mountain. Could you come back to me in a month or so? I wouldn’t promise this unless I could really do an excellent job.” Or 2) you can say, “Of course, but could you first go do x, y, z, so we can see whether this is actually feasible?” Whichever of the two you choose, you have not flatly refused them; you have handed the initiative back into their hands. I think you should only say this when you genuinely want the job but truly cannot free yourself up; saying it relieves you of the pressure the initiative puts on you, and spares you from ever actually uttering the word “no.”
Know the commitments you have already made. To know when you need to say “no,” you have to know what work you have already taken on. Build a running list of all your current projects and tasks, and draw up an activity list as well for the week or so ahead, covering the things that don’t belong to those projects. With these two well-filled lists you can decide whether the task at hand can be squeezed in. Guard the lists carefully, and only add items to them when it is truly necessary.
Treasure your time. One reason many people find it hard to refuse is that they feel (perhaps subconsciously) that their time is not as precious as other people’s. For example, if someone asks you to do something they could easily do themselves and you agree, you are as good as admitting that their time is worth more than yours; otherwise, why would you be doing it for them? So treasure your own time. Your time is limited, and it may well be your most precious asset. Learn to show people how much you value it by refusing the things that don’t need your hand at all.
Stall. Somewhat like tactic 1 above: if you use this move, you don’t have to make a decision, don’t have to nod or shake your head; you simply ask the person making the request to come back a little later. For example, you can say, “My schedule is packed solid right now. Could you come back to me in two weeks?” If the person is decent, they will add coming back to you in two weeks to their own reminders. If they aren’t, they will surely have forgotten you long before then. Sometimes, if you stall twice in a row, the person will give up. Of course, forever stalling on the same thing isn’t good either; it makes people think something is wrong with your character. Generally, after two delays, when someone asks you for the third time, you should give them a definite answer.
Be polite, but be firm. A fault many people easily fall into is being too nice, or too indecisive. They may refuse, but their refusal sounds a little shaky; if that is how you answer people, the pushier ones will keep pressing you until you nod and agree, because they sense there is still room to negotiate. So if you are going to refuse, you have to let people know clearly that you will not be changing your mind. But don’t come across as rude; a simple “No, there is really nothing I can do right now” is enough.
Get in first. If you sense that someone is about to ask something of you, you can tell them how busy you are before the request ever comes. If you run into that person, you can say, “Let me say this up front: you should know my calendar is booked solid for this whole month, so let’s not talk about any new plans within the next 30 days.” This amounts to giving fair warning to the person who was about to ask, so afterwards they can hardly blame you for refusing their request.
”I’d love to, but…” Much like the first method, this move shows that you are genuinely interested in the plan, but that your schedule or your other commitments truly leave you unable to help. If the plan really does sound interesting, I will often say something like, “That does sound wonderful; how I wish I could join in.” When possible, I will also suggest other suitable people or workable ideas. Some people actually find this a rather agreeable way to be refused; at the very least, you have also helped them solve their problem.
Never say sorry. Again, it comes back to treasuring your own time. If you apologize, it is as though you were apologizing for having done something wrong, and then your reason for refusing looks rather thin. I know how tempting the words “I’m sorry” are on occasions like these; we so often say things like “I’m sorry, but…” or “How I wish I could help you, but I’m terribly sorry, there is no way I can,” because after turning someone down we feel very uncomfortable. But, that same problem again: put that way, you send people the wrong message. Looking back at point 5 may help you here.
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